Updated: Dec 18, 2019
( #2019Highlights - April, 2019)
The first time Daloy DC implemented the ‘We work 3 months then we all get a 1-month break policy) and boy was it the hardest thing to do for me. YES. As well as the, ‘We can’t do that, No. We are on a break. That is my Rest month so, No. I would love to but I’m resting’ reply-scripts for projects big and small.
10 years ago, dance writer Ms Marge Enriquez wrote at Philippine Daily Inquirer about me as Sugarplum Fairy of Ballet Phils’ Nutcracker, 2009 around this time of the year— “Torrado describes herself as a dancer in a hurry. ‘The career is short. I want to do everything as much as I can. For now she continues to razzle-dazzle with her physicality, imbued with her relaxed musical phrasing..’
There is more surrender now to moments. To simple things. To my own body and my own rhythm, my own dynamic nature. At my own cycles. There is more surrender to my changing needs and desires. There is more self-soothing. There is more down time. There is more awareness that I no longer look at a dance career as short. I see it as multi-dimensional— comprising of producing, teaching, choreography, mentoring, travelling, managing the company, managing younger dancers, being a student again and again, vacationing, resting, relaxing, recreational dancing, reading, writing, morning rituals, night rituals, exploring, testing out new movement ideas, letting things be, letting things incubate, aging, aging gracefully, holding space for myself. Holding space for another, for others, for new peopple, new energies. Having enjoyable hobbies, making new friends, finding new cures, discovering and allowing new aspects of myself to have space for expression, doing difficult conversations, being quiet, being still, and the mindful practice of being ‘present’, to Life as an ongoing unfolding of moments that could make me an open vessel for inspiration for new dances, new dance gatherings, new dancing. So that i can remember that time is not linear. Time is short or long depending on what state we are in. Now i see it as— No, a dance career is not short. A dance career could be as colorful and meaningful as I make it.
And 10 years after, I firmly believe now more than ever, that rushing, is violence. And that to be self-sustaining is to be mindful of my own life-force energy’s sustainability.
I still rush people and things. And myself. I still work with the clear boundaries of cut-off times and deadlines. But i attempt now to lessen these rushing moments, and be keen to know when they are necessary. Keep calm when they are happening. And know, and adjust when I’m just rushing out of habit. And luckily I have a good support system of friends and collaborators around me who can look at me in the middle of my fiery frenzy episodes, and remind me through gaze, or touch or words, that..We love you. We can let it rest. No need to rush.
Words by Ea Torrado
Photos: Julienne Depatillo (Daloy logo on sand), Sugarplum Fairy photo by Oskar Profos, 2009
Dance Pinoy and Phil Daily Inquirer article by Marge Enriquez